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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I feel so sad... I met her on my birthday, it was supposed to be good. We talked, but I can't understand what she's trying to tell me.This is what goes on most of the times I talk with or sms chat with her. She says she loves me, yet she keeps talking abt her other-half when she's with me. She tells me she wants to hug and kiss me, but yet she says she doesn't want to feel guilty. She says that we'll be friends forever, then talks about hope that we can be together again. Then she talks more about it. And she seems so different from before. It's like I don't know her anymore. But I appreciate her efforts at buying me a present and spending time with me. *Sigh...* But everything's different, and I can't pretend that everything's what it used to be... Now I don't even know whether we can really be together. And just a few days ago I was so optimistic.

And after we parted, I went to study. But I couldn't get her off my mind. Luckily I managed to finish everything. As I packed my stuff, all of a sudden a thought just hit me. It was like *woosh*! and then I realised that when you love someone, it's so much different than wanting to be with and being in love with someone. I know I can't just ask her to break up with her boyfriend. Even if I did, she may be just loving me, because she can't forget me, and not that she wants to be with me. It's so sad... I wish that I didn't let her go back then. I wished that over the years we were apart I could have just called up my courage, swallowed my pride and just told her that I still and always will love her, that I want to be with her. But seeing her so happy, with all her friends around her, I just couldn't. I didn't want to spoil it for her. And now that I regret, it's probably too late. Even though she loves me and I love her, we may never be able to be together again.

Other news: I've just found out I'm 24. Wow, it's amazing how they can judge your age from how you think. And I've just only turned 19.

You Are 24 Years Old
24 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Kenny died at 1:34 am