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Friday, April 15, 2005

So tired... Haven been sleeping well or not even sleeping at all for some days already. I just can't get a good night's sleep. I dunno wad's wrong with me. When I actually do get some sleep, I have these weird, amazing and scary dreams. Most recent was on Wednesday afternoon. When I could finally get some good sleep, I had this weird dream that I was turned into a vampire. Sick dream. I found the girl of my dreams. But I was a vampire. Wanted to change her into one too. The dream was oddly realistic. I was controlling all my body's movements. I could feel, I could sense. I was doing things that I wanted to, not things that I couldn't control. In most of my dreams, I can't even control anything. But this dream was different. It was scary, but oddly I felt this sense of enyjoyment and understanding washing over me. If I could, I wouldn't want to wake up at all. Because in this dream I found someone to love or something. There were things in the dream that felt good and better than real life. I felt good. I felt a sense of belonging. It's unlike in the real world, where the people who I count as good friends always seem to take obscenely sadistic pleasure in teasing me and making fun of me. If I could, I rather not wake up to reality.

Then again, maybe it's my longing for true acceptance in friendships that I've made throughout the years that made me dream of such a perfect existance. Or maybe it's just that my life sucks to the core that I've to dream this way. Anyway, gotta catch some sleep. Feeling mighty tired. Hope I can finally rest properly. And with peaceful reprieve.

Kenny died at 2:49 am