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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I don't know what's going on these days. I've been getting all stressed and stuff. I think it's got to do with what's happening recently. Getting bullied about my supposed deviant sexual preference isn't really helping me. It's really pushing me to the limit, and I'm so scared that when or if I break, things will get ugly. Oh yeah, that's it. The Uber-Slacker is breaking down. I guess everyone experiences lows in their lives now and then. It's just that this is actually the first time it's happening to me, and I don't know how the hell I'm going to handle it. I need to compose myself and get a grip on things like I always did in the past. So help me God.

I've been thinking about my walk with God, if you can call it that. I know I thank Him for everything there is, especially what happens in my life. Like when I'm almost hit by cars when cycling, I always thank Him for keeping me out of harm. And there's always a breeze or rain when I pray for it. There's also my school work. I thank Him for keeping me from having to re-take modules. But the thing is, after my uber-Christian classmate questioned my lifestyle, I was left wondering about the things I do. Like smoking and cursing, watching a little "blue stuff" now and then and stealing. Well, God gave us the freedom to choose our actions, but that's not an excuse for me to do the things I do. I can go into a debate about the freedom of choice, but I think I need time to think it over before I burn out, what with all the Christians and their way of doing things. Everyone has their own intepretation of things, so therefore no one can say their words are concrete unless God marks it as His own way. But I stand by my point of view about freedom of choice. But my conscience is bugging me all the time about what I do. I need to come to a consensus. I need to re-think my life and the things I do and change myself for what I define as "better" for myself and not for others. And damn... first thing I got to do is to stop taking Fedec before blogging.

Kenny died at 11:18 pm