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Monday, July 31, 2006

I'm still feeling quite lost. I hadn't thought of Linette for quite some time already, until Wanjing brought up her name while we were talking. I've been thinking about it since. I can hardly get her out of my head. There's been no finale to this act, and I'm feeling very disturbed by it. It feels as if my being is in turmoil, like a malestrom swirling to to the bottom of the ocean, like one continuous spiral, going on and on, never ceasing until the ends of time. (Damn, I'm already feeling the kick after 2 shots of vodka.)

Don't know why I'm drinking. It's ironic to think that I've always said that drowning one's sorrows in alcohol isn't going to help. True enough, I don't think drinking myself silly is going to help me in any way at all. First real drink in like 4 months. I really hope Linette contacts me again. I don't know how I can live with this dilemma on my mind. I don't know what to do about it. I want her to call me. I feel like hearing her voice again, her cynical views of life. But mainly, I just want to hear her voice again.

I can no longer make excuses for what I'm feeling. I can't go on denying that I don't give a shit about what happens to me. I'm going to be 21 soon, and I don't want to live with this immature title of Legendary Slacker anymore. I'm not saying that I'm not, but I want to be more responsible for my life and my actions than I am now.

Kenny died at 12:50 am