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Sunday, November 19, 2006

In a couple of month's time, I'll be 21. Oh yeah. The big 21. Whoo! Yay. Can't say I'll be looking forward to the festivities though, because my 19th and 20th birthdays fell during the exam period. Next year's not going to be any different. My birthday will fall during my final exams. And as they say, "third time's the charm". I have a bad feeling that something bad's going to happen.

My life is kinda screwed right now. Even though I've got a well-paid at my current part-time job, some of my lecturers like me and I've got great friends, life isn't all what I planned it to be. Even though I've mellowed alot since my secondary school days, I find my hot-tempered alter-ego hasn't really gone away. It's hiding away deep inside of me, always waiting for the opportune moment to show itself. Like how, because one of my classmates asked me a stupid question about the difference between storage water heaters and its instantaneous counterpart during a presentation, I lost my patience and questioned her ability to understand the English language. That really shut her up, and made the my lecturer, Ms Lau Chay Hia (or Lau Chay Bai as I prefer to call her) to target me and ask me a ridiculous amount of questions. All because that girl was one of her favourite students.

Sigh. It's like I've been slowly regaining my old self again. Short-tempered and volatile, I could lose control at any unfortunate time. I've been trying to control myself, but it really doesn't seem to work. Especially when it's during Lau Chay Bai's lessons. I feel the need to lambast her for being a biased bitch who always favours the "better" or more "docile" students in class. She's perpetually stereotyping people, like just because I'm the only guy in class who pierces his ears and dyes his hair I'm a rebellious person. My classmates always have to tell me to calm down and relax and not to shout at her. The Queen Bitch herself has given some of my friends whom she taught in the previous semester D grades because she simply just didn't like them, all because they too had dyed hair and earrings. And to all other groups she just gives 15 minutes of presentation time. To her darling students, she gives up to 30 minutes of presentation time, which is really unfair.

Some of my friends have attributed my anger due to the fact that I'm single. I don't see the need to get a girlfriend. What for? The girls I like treat me like a best friend, or at worst, like me but refuse to tell me because they're overseas and are scared of a long-distance relationship. Damn. Why does this always happen to me? It's like my life is repeating itself over and over again, and I can't stop the cycle. A reason might be linked to a past relationship. Maybe I can't find closure over how it all ended. I still think of her. I can't seem to forget. But she wants to go her way now. I can't stop it. She's probably going to get married soon. Sigh. Wouldn't you say that these kind of scenerios are kind of screwed up? And I like another girl too. She's going away soon, to Australia to study. I know I'm going to miss her alot. Every girl I like is going away, one by one, and here I'm left alone. Are my criteria for girls too high? I can't seem to find an answer to that. Always left alone. To rot at time's end.

Kenny died at 11:02 pm