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Monday, April 09, 2007

I'm back to blogging. Somehow this is the only way I can fully get things off my chest.

I'm frustrated that she can be so indifferent to me. There're so many things that have been said between us, and the most hurtful thing she ever said was "I totally forgot about you." It's like if we're not together, it wouldn't hurt so much. But we are, and that's why. I've been mulling over it. What caused the change in her attitude? I don't know.

I just got back from a long cycling trip. From home to the Macritchie Reservoir trail to Bishan to Bukit Timah to Choa Chu Kang, then on to Woodlands, to Yishun, and to Ang Mo Kio, and then finally back home. Along the way, I was thinking about her, and then the song "Graduation (Friends Forever)" came into play on my iPod Nano. I started thinking about my life with her. It was so short. I started thinking about alot of things while weaving in and out of traffic (yeah, I'm that experienced a cyclist). Thinking about the time when she had left for about 2 weeks and I called her to scare her, telling her that I had been in a minor accident and I injured my left knee. I wanted to see how she would react. Somehow, I hadn't expected her to call me an idiot, to stop thinking about her so much, and that I was weak for "missing her so much". God... the heartache.

But I grew stronger after that episode. When I reached Woodlands, I cycled to her block. The nostalgia hit me real hard. I was tired after cycling. I was just sitting under her block, smoking and thinking about the times we spent together *sigh* and then I gave up thinking. Any more thoughts about it and I could forget about ever needing to start cycling home.

So now I'm on the road home. I swear that if anyone ever tells me that no one can lose their way in Singapore because of it's size, I will hit that person (if their gender isn't female). I got lost after I reached Woodlands MRT. Boy... did I forget the route home. Spent 30 minutes asking people for directions and them giving me half-assed answers. The road home was shorter than the road there. God, how I miss Gu Yu. Re-shuffled the songs in my iPod, and magically, "Graduation" came on again. Damn it. The angst and emo-ness in the song nearly got to me.

Gu Yu, if you're reading this, know that I'm not some half-assed cyclist who will get into an accident while thinking about the girl he loves and is missing.

Kenny died at 11:21 pm